I’m not sleeping well these days so forgive me if this entry is a bit short and choppy. I mentioned earlier that I can hear loons calling in the night and that there are other noises. See the entry for “Eerie Sounds in the Night”. So I don’t want to just repeat what I said there but I swear the noises are getting worse.
And when I do manage to fall asleep, I’m having nightmares. Maybe “nightmares” should be my N word.
In the cool, calm light of day, I know what the problem is. I’ve made big changes to my life. Some big changes to my life were made for me (my husband left me—if you haven’t been keeping up). And all of these things, moving house, quitting my job, becoming self –employed are all stressful. I know that. I know that having weaned off the anti-depressants (while under the care of my doctor) is a tough thing for the body to deal with. I get that. I really do.
But the noises I think I hear—definitely the loon call, and the other ones I mentioned before are really distressing. This morning I woke up thinking I heard laughter from coming nearby. Not in the house but close. I got up and looked outside but of course I didn’t see anyone or even hear anything at that point. I must be just dreaming these noises and they wake me up.
Last night I had an especially disturbing dream but I can only remember fragments. Bear with me, please! I was at a party—a picnic really. It was the height of summer and it was nighttime. There was a bonfire and people were milling around. Most of them didn’t notice I was there. I was looking for someone but now I can’t remember who. I would go up to people and ask them if they had seen him (it does seem to have been a him) and they wouldn’t answer me. They wouldn’t even look at me.
But eventually I noticed that I was in the center of a crowd and that people were looking at me and they were laughing. They were laughing at me. And I guess that is what woke me. And for a few seconds I would have sworn the laughter was real; was actually outside.
Even writing this now, hours later, I feel disturbed –though positive it was just a bad dream. The other thing about the dream was that people were wearing old-fashioned clothes. Men in trousers and shirts, women in dresses. Not hugely old-fashioned but certainly not the way people dress now.
Hot milk before bedtime tonight. My mother always said that helped her to sleep better.